The Hidden Damage
Porn addiction goes beyond just the act itself. It affects the mind, relationships, and self-perception. Addictions lead to needing more intense experiences to achieve the same high, which means those with porn addiction may seek out increasingly hardcore material. In extreme cases, it can even lead to viewing abusive content, including child sexual abuse material (CSAM). The primary damage by this kind of material is done to the victims of the abuse. It secondarily takes a toll on the viewer, eroding their soul and warping their view of intimacy, relationships, and self. Engaging in this addiction can cause a disconnect between who one wants to be and who one has become.
Taking Responsibility
For years, I refused to acknowledge the damage caused by my addiction, convincing myself that it was a private issue that didn’t affect anyone else. However, in recovery, I realized that my actions had consequences. Even as an addict, it's not an excuse to justify that one isn’t the one directly causing harm, especially when it comes to CSAM. Just viewing the content contributes to the abuse by creating a demand for it. Additionally, victims have to live with the fact that their abuse is being essentially recreated and relived by strangers worldwide on the internet. I had hurt people not only through my addiction, but also through the lies and emotional distance that came with it. Taking responsibility for these actions was incredibly difficult, but it was the first step toward healing.
The Long Road to Healing
Healing from addiction is a long process that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront avoided issues. For me, this meant seeking long-term intensive residential treatment, years of therapy, becoming an active member of 12-step support groups for sex and porn addiction, and working through the underlying issues that fueled my addiction. Although there were setbacks and moments of doubt, I persevered with the help of others who showed me that true healing was possible.
Reclaiming Myself
Recovery has allowed me to rediscover my true self. I realized that I am more than my past behavior, and my addiction does not define me. But I also don’t ignore it. It's a part of my story, and it's something I continue to work through every day. Recovery has given me the tools to rebuild healthier relationships, cope with stress in positive ways, pass on what I’ve learned, and feel proud of the person I am today.
— Dustan Sheehan
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