Navigating the Holiday "Bermuda Triangle": Finding Your Anchor When You Feel Adrift from Family

Welcome to what we often call the "Bermuda Triangle" of sobriety: the stretch between Thanksgiving, the winter holidays, and New Year’s.

For the rest of the world, this season is advertised as a time of warmth, homecoming, and picture-perfect family gatherings. But for those navigating recovery, the reality is often drastically different.

If you are carrying the heavy burden of shame from your past addiction, or if you are currently separated—physically or emotionally—from your family, this time of year isn't just stressful; it can feel incredibly lonely and dangerous to your sobriety.

You might be facing an empty chair at your own table, or you might be the empty chair at theirs. You might be remembering past holidays ruined by using, drowning in regret. You may feel unworthy of celebration.

We want you to know two things right now: Your feelings are valid, and you do not have to do this alone.

Spiraling into sadness or relapsing doesn't have to be inevitable. You can build a life raft to navigate these choppy waters. Here are practical tools to help you anchor yourself during the holiday storm.

YOUR HOLIDAY SURVIVAL TOOLKIT

1. Acknowledge the Grief and Release the Shame

The biggest trap of the holidays is the "shoulds." "I should be with my kids," "My family should forgive me by now," "I should be happy." The gap between how you think the holidays should look and how they actually look creates immense pain.

• The Tool: Radical Acceptance. Give yourself permission to grieve what you lost. It is okay to be sad that you aren't with your family. It is a rightful pain. But recognize that the shame you feel belongs to your past self, not your recovering self.

• The Tip: When a wave of shame hits, literally put a hand over your heart and say: "That was then. This is now. Today, I am staying sober, and that is enough."

2. Do Not "Wing It": The Power of the Plan

Unstructured time and isolation are the playgrounds of addiction. Do not wake up on a holiday morning without a plan.

• The Tool: Bookending. If you have to attend a stressful event (or even just face a lonely day), bookend it with recovery. Call your sponsor before the event to set intentions, and call them immediately after to debrief.

• The Tip: Schedule every hour of the major holiday days. Even if the schedule is "10:00 AM: Watch a movie," "12:00 PM: Go to a meeting," "2:00 PM: Take a walk." Structure creates safety.

3. Redefine "Family" (Your Chosen Tribe)

The pain of separation is real, but biological family is not the only form of connection. The belief that you are "alone" because you aren't with blood relatives is a lie your addiction tells you to get you isolated.

• The Tool: The "Orphan" Holiday. Lean hard into your recovery community. Many clubhouses and support groups hold "marathon meetings" or potlucks on holidays specifically for people who have nowhere else to go. Go. Be around people who "get it."

• The Tip: If you are alone, be of service. Volunteer at a shelter or a soup kitchen on the holiday. Nothing gets you out of your own head faster than helping someone else.

4. The "Escape Hatch" Strategy

If you are seeing family, and relations are strained, you must prioritize your sobriety over their comfort. You are entering a high-risk environment.

• The Tool: Protecting Your Recovery at All Costs. You do not owe anyone your presence if it threatens your sobriety. If past trauma is too present at a family gathering, it is okay to decline the invitation. That is not selfish; it is self-preservation.

• The Tip: If you go, drive your own car so you are not trapped. Have a pre-planned excuse to leave early if things get heated or triggering. (e.g., "I promised I'd stop by a friend's support group.") If you feel the urge to use, leave immediately. No apologies necessary.

5. Watch Out for the "F*** Its"

This is that dangerous moment when sadness turns into apathy. When the shame feels so heavy you think, "I've already ruined everything, everyone hates me, why bother staying sober?"

• The Tool: Play the Tape Forward. If you pick up a drink or a drug to numb the holiday pain, where will you be tomorrow? Will the shame be gone, or will it be doubled? Will you be closer to your family, or further away?

• The Tip: Focus on the microscopic present. Don't try to stay sober through New Year's. Just stay sober for the next 15 minutes. Then do it again.

6. Allow Gratitude to Bring You to the Present

Our journey through this triangle removes us from the present and into the swirl of future tripping around what family and friends "might" be doing. Our head can be full of assumptions.

Gratitude is a tool to help us find the present, and see the joy in what we do have. As we state even the simplest gratitudes, such as our bed to sleep in, or our connection to our recovery fellows, we are brought to the present. Gratitude can lift our hearts, and bring us to release the "sadness" shroud.

A Final Note on Hope Navigating the Bermuda Triangle

We know that you desperately want to repair the damage done to your family relationships. That is a beautiful goal.

But please remember: The greatest amends you can ever make to your family is your sustained, healthy sobriety.

You cannot show up for them in the future if you don't show up for yourself today. This holiday season, give yourself the grace you so freely desire from others. Stay close to the clinic. Stay close to your meetings. Keep your anchor down. We will get through this season together.